Although statistically bullying is commited more often by boys than girls, the interesting fact from my own experience is that girls are the ones who mastered its techniques to perfection. Despite the guys at my school kept kicking me and beating me, it was nothing in comparison with such a slow, refined and maddening torture the 6 girls from my class kept practising on me for 4 years, till I eventually literally lost my sanity for some time.
What is the reason of bullying? Perhaps it is more often a lack of self-confidence and inner strength than cruelty one was born with or was taught it during his life.
Bullies are like hyenas - they never dare to attack creatures taller and stronger than themselves, unless perhaps they are sure the victim is outnumbered. They are cowards in nature and mostly feel great need to be accepted by the herd - and to gain this they draw all attention to a chosen scapegoat, knowing as long as s/he continues to mock and hurt him/her, no one will notice the attacker´s own flaws and weak points.
The surprising thing for many people is that many bullies (especially their leaders) are clever children with good marks and otherwise unproblematic (at least it seems so) behaviour. But clever doesn´t equal mature, having a character and by no means self-confident and crueltiless. To use a bit of hyperbole to illustrate the situation, let me please quote one my former professor: "The greatest murderers were clever and educated people."
Intelligence can make self-confidence issues a lot worse, plus if you have ambitious parents knowing your potential and pushing you to your very limits all the time... and mocking, insulting or beating you for a small failure... what do you do? Well if you have a character or forming character with some strong basics of sense for good and wrong, you go on and try to withstand it, try to fight at least a bit for what you are. If you lack these basics, you go and let the steam out on another kid´s head. Inner insecurities, pain, anger, lack of self-esteem, selfishness, need to fit in and be admired, ambitions, skillfulness at sports and intelligence create the best bullies´ leaders. And if they have a let´s say natural talent for cruelty, the combination is murderous - in the sense it can easily lead the victim to attempt to commit a suicide. My Bully No.1 was like that.
How are the typical victims like? Surprisingly the ones I met have some things in common with the best bullies´ leaders- they are mostly clever children with good marks, have overly ambitious parents whose expectations they must meet, otherwise they are punished, and they are therefore greatly stressed both at school and at home. The difference between them is the victim kids are usually "strange" or "different" and generally don´t fit in - and some of them don´t even want to anyway. They have more adult interests and live mainly among adults, they are more mature, perhaps overly wise for their age - and generally they are physically weak or handicapped in some other way, like not being able to defend themselves. They are not easily understandable and their physics, interrupted nerve system and lack of strong close friends make them an easy prey. In society led by intolerance and lack of compassion they are sort of doomed to be victims. I don´t know about England, but in my country it was the case of most of the schools I attended.
What is the reason of bullying? Perhaps it is more often a lack of self-confidence and inner strength than cruelty one was born with or was taught it during his life.
Bullies are like hyenas - they never dare to attack creatures taller and stronger than themselves, unless perhaps they are sure the victim is outnumbered. They are cowards in nature and mostly feel great need to be accepted by the herd - and to gain this they draw all attention to a chosen scapegoat, knowing as long as s/he continues to mock and hurt him/her, no one will notice the attacker´s own flaws and weak points.
The surprising thing for many people is that many bullies (especially their leaders) are clever children with good marks and otherwise unproblematic (at least it seems so) behaviour. But clever doesn´t equal mature, having a character and by no means self-confident and crueltiless. To use a bit of hyperbole to illustrate the situation, let me please quote one my former professor: "The greatest murderers were clever and educated people."
Intelligence can make self-confidence issues a lot worse, plus if you have ambitious parents knowing your potential and pushing you to your very limits all the time... and mocking, insulting or beating you for a small failure... what do you do? Well if you have a character or forming character with some strong basics of sense for good and wrong, you go on and try to withstand it, try to fight at least a bit for what you are. If you lack these basics, you go and let the steam out on another kid´s head. Inner insecurities, pain, anger, lack of self-esteem, selfishness, need to fit in and be admired, ambitions, skillfulness at sports and intelligence create the best bullies´ leaders. And if they have a let´s say natural talent for cruelty, the combination is murderous - in the sense it can easily lead the victim to attempt to commit a suicide. My Bully No.1 was like that.
How are the typical victims like? Surprisingly the ones I met have some things in common with the best bullies´ leaders- they are mostly clever children with good marks, have overly ambitious parents whose expectations they must meet, otherwise they are punished, and they are therefore greatly stressed both at school and at home. The difference between them is the victim kids are usually "strange" or "different" and generally don´t fit in - and some of them don´t even want to anyway. They have more adult interests and live mainly among adults, they are more mature, perhaps overly wise for their age - and generally they are physically weak or handicapped in some other way, like not being able to defend themselves. They are not easily understandable and their physics, interrupted nerve system and lack of strong close friends make them an easy prey. In society led by intolerance and lack of compassion they are sort of doomed to be victims. I don´t know about England, but in my country it was the case of most of the schools I attended.
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