News stuff you daily with wars and crimes commited all around the world; but what most of them say not is the simple and ugly truth that the worst violence can be found at home. And, beside the obvious physical attacking which is of course criminal offence, it´s often not the sort of violence you can charge your parents for; unless you really long for ending up in Children´s House, your hands are tied. This is the most a social worker can do for you, I suppose.
Imagine your mother crying everyday due to your unwillingness to do what she thinks is best for you, everyday showing you the most colourful scale of suffering, sometimes changing it for threatening and speeches about ungratitude. What would you do? Indeed you love your mother. Indeed you don´t want her to suffer. And if you have just slightly soft heart, you are trapped. The problem with emotional blackmailing is that when you give in to it, you choose to suffer yourself instead of the blackmailer. The essence of emotional blackmail is selfishness; no matter how honourable may somebody´s motives sound, in the core s/he just wants to get her/his way, no matter the other´s cost.
Imagine your mother crying everyday due to your unwillingness to do what she thinks is best for you, everyday showing you the most colourful scale of suffering, sometimes changing it for threatening and speeches about ungratitude. What would you do? Indeed you love your mother. Indeed you don´t want her to suffer. And if you have just slightly soft heart, you are trapped. The problem with emotional blackmailing is that when you give in to it, you choose to suffer yourself instead of the blackmailer. The essence of emotional blackmail is selfishness; no matter how honourable may somebody´s motives sound, in the core s/he just wants to get her/his way, no matter the other´s cost.
Why are the people who usually blackmail us the people we care for and trust? The reason is simple, they know us. They know our weaknesses, they know our secrets, fears, they are familiar with our dreams. What would be a problem for a relative stranger, is no problem for them - by trusting them and confiding in them we actually give them a powerful supply of lethal weapons they can use against us.
How to resist emotional blackmail? The best way is probably to know exactly what you want and be sure of yourself enough to know that even if you don´t do what the blackmailer wants, it won´t be the end of the world. Do resist. It is hard, but it is worth it. As nothing encourages the blackmailer more to repeat his behaviour as giving into his demands.
More info:
No comments:
Post a Comment